Friday, January 31, 2003

So about five people know about this at this point. I think I first told Cody and Ted, and Cody did the best thing I could've asked for. Shock, followed by a congratulations. Really, at that point, if he didn't do that, I would've caved even more than I am doing now. Ted didn't really have much to say, which, I suppose, can be a good thing.

Dansen knows as well, and my girlfriend's sister knows too. But oh, there's so many more people to have to tell. I have my mom, who disapproves of my relationship, my brother, who does the same out of pure ignorance, and my girlfriend's ex-husband, who definitely disapproves, my girlfriend's older daughter and husband, who strive in their lives to disapprove of us (well, it sure feels like that anyway) and there's my girlfriend's youngest daughter, who lives with us. I think she'll take it just fine, she seems to rattle on about having a younger brother or sister at times anyway.

So, yeah. I'm doing a fair amount of worrying, because I've been reading about women over 35 who have babies. The odds are not in my girlfriend's favor, as many problems are possible. I guess it's not healthy going into fatherhood with such a pessimistic forecast, but it's in me. I worry to stall, I worry to show concern. Birth defects, still births, Down syndrome, I practically know all about that but I'm still not ready to learn how to fold a goddamn diaper. Man, this is heavy stuff.

The good thing about all this is that about a week ago, while on a trip with Cody and Ted, I told them, which is a good of a pronouncement as any, that I was going to marry my girlfriend. And I also told Jay this. Which pretty much solidifies it in stone. My girlfriend also knows this, so it completely avoided being this issue that'll linger of whether I'll marry my girlfriend because she's pregnant or because I want to. It'll be because I want to, and that I'm ready to refer to her as my wife.

My girlfriend's sister mentioned something that scared the living crap out of me, and I'm only nominally worried about it anyhow. Apparently, when a woman is pregnant when she's older, the possibility of having multiple births gets higher. So, instead of worrying about one, there is a possibility of twins. Now that freaks my shit out big time. I don't think it'll happen, but then again...

So anyhow, just to mark it, we found out on Tuesday, 28th of Jan, 2003. And on Monday, we'll find out more. This is all very odd.

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