Wednesday, April 06, 2005

And Now, Repentance.

Cut down a tree, Grow a forest. Something like that.

Well, at least 5% of my mind have been about other things, like the impending trip to Vegas. I am really looking forward to that despite the complication logistics of travelling with babies, but since my lovely wife will be my cohort and my mother will be along, I think it'll be okay. Still deciding if the 6-hour drive each way to the Grand Canyon is suicidal. It'll be worth it, but at the same time I'm dreading baby fury from the backseat.

I'm only loving my son and daughter with each passing day, as Alex gets more communicative with simple words and simple things like sharing a joke, or doing a little jig together. I Tivo-ed a bunch of Wiggles episodes and isolated all the musical segments, strung them together on a DVD, and that keeps my boy pretty busy. I love seeing him dance to the music and doing little bits from it, and the mistimed gestures and awkward dancing just makes me love him so much more. He's perfect in his imperfections. I love it when he tries to sing along, and he's off-key and high-pitched, and very very proud when he finishes. Although it does get a little difficult sometimes, I do love it too when he wants me to hold him. It's good to feel needed and loved by this little man. I love it when he jumps on my back and crawls all over me, and gives me big hugs. And his laughter. God, that shit is addictive. Hearing it makes me the happiest Daddy in the world because it makes me feel so proud and wonderful when I can make someone so happy. My wife has these moments too with me, and it is simply the greatest emotion in the world. I also love it when Alex shows his affection to Zoe, sticking his head to hers and having this gentle smile on his face. Or sharing a toy with her, rare instances as they may be.

And Zoe, my little Z-Bear. She's sitting, and cruising a little, and cute and wonderful and funny. Her laugh is just as addictive because it's a different sort of laugh - this explosion of squeals and giggles that melts my hardened ass whenever I hear it. And her smile on her face just brings one to mine. Her curiousity is also something that's gotten her into some hasty rescues. Caught her eating a bit of graham cracker tonight after Alex dropped it. She's also gotten sips of milk, juice, and probably even cat food that's been dropped. Who knows. Alex had a pretty discriminating taste, but Zoe's gonna try everything, I guess. Just today she learned how to hold her own bottle, though she still needs a little help tipping it so that the milk flows.

And my wife. My best friend and my muse. She inspires the best out of me, and I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else. She's been having a tough time dealing with my quest for a better career lately, thinking that she has held me back from a career because of babies we've had together, and also because of her daughter's undeserving need to stay in Bellingham. But I've told her that I don't blame her at all, it's my fault that I waited so long after graduation to start getting serious about a career. And really, I chose the worse profession in the world because it's highly unstable and requires a lot of money. But she's the world to me, and she's the yin to my yang. And I don't really know what the hell that means.

Okay, that's all.

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