Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Murder, I Wrote

The thing I did kill were the comments, which I should've done a while ago. They serve only as a reminder of how unpopular I can be at times, and Dansen had the right idea all this time. I thought it was a crazy idea at the time, but since a few of the readers I know don't leave comments, it's not like it's a big loss.

Meanwhile, my murderous rage has been bubbling to a boil these last two days because there's been a person who's been constantly lying to us, being very selfish in her actions - so much so that she decided to leave the house yesterday without permission, a note, or a message, causing us to involve several people and bother our friend Maralise to watch over the babies in order to search for her dumbass. In the end we only found her because someone else had told us where the fuck she was. What made me more furious is that I had to bottle it all in, because she was crying and feeling sorry for herself, and my wife wanted to keep her promise not to yell at her.

My problem with the whole thing is that she doesn't deserve not to be yelled at. 3 very simple rules - get good grades, don't lie to us or withhold information from us, and do your chores. She has not upheld any of them (except the chores, which are done half-assed without any sense of pride), and she's getting an F, Two D's, and 3 C's at last count. There's a difference between challenged and stupid, and she's not challenged. She's just not turning in her homework. i.e., the other day when she called in the morning for me to email her homework from the home computer. I did so, and was later for work than usual, but she never retrieved it from the computer. It was due that day and she had the whole goddamn day to turn it in, but she never bothered.

The lying has escalated as well, and what brought it to that point of her having to cower away at a friend's house was because we found out from the school that she was warned several times by the school hall monitor not to make out at school. So it's evolved into behaviorial problems, on top of being tacky as hell to make out in public. I've tried talking to them, telling her that she's in a dangerous place because she's being a trophy girl who doesn't even talk that much to her idiot boyfriend. I call him an idiot mostly because he's a smart kid who doesn't know when to shut the fuck up and listen. Whenever he replies with an annoying ancedote after I chide him, I know he's not fucking listening. He's just thinking of boring-ass stories to tell that he thinks are showcases for how interesting and funny he is, but they're just sad little yelps for attention.

But you know, it's not the fact that they're young, or her grades are bad, or that I don't think she's ready to have sex because she can't even flush the toilet after she uses it, or turn off the lights in the morning, or even be aware of her surroundings enough to not step on Zoe twice. No, it's the way she's been treating us. Lack of respect for our feelings, our trust, and our rules. Our rules are easy, and not difficult to achieve. Do. Not. Fail. Do we get a fucking check from the government if you get As? No. I don't even care if they're all C's, just don't fail, don't be a stupid Options kid because you do not have a learning disability - you have a responsibliity disability. She dreams about living with her father, who is slightly more responsible than my one and a half year old son, and probably dreams about living with her boyfriend or her sister. Well, guess what. You lie, and conceal, and take off without leaving a fucking note, you disobey simple house rules, and you step on other people's babies? They're gonna be mad at you too.

I hate that this rage is consuming my mind. It's not healthy, and I want to be done with it, I really do. There are millions of things that deserve my love and attention, my respect and my time, and this is really pissing me off. It has shat in my mind for the last two days, and maybe this murderous rant will help me get rid of it. Because I am so done with this. I have scripts I have to write, a son and daughter that I have to love, a wife I have to love, a trip I have to look forward to, and I don't need this at all.

And by the way, all the people who are giving us advice about how to "listen to her" and "give her a break" and "let her be", fuck you. I have talked to people who are either currently parents of teenagers or have been parents of teenagers, and they completely understand the frustration. They may not be as harsh or dismissive as I am, but they know the battle and what they're talking about. They know that sitcom advice and "being your friend - and your parent" shit doesn't work. You have to be strong, to stand your ground, and believe that what you're doing is right.

Because that's what's pulling me through right now.

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