As requested by Dansen, a list of things I will teach my son.

10. Be nice to women -- they're the better sex.
9. Directional peeing, and that it's okay to pee in the shower, but not the bath.
8. The difference between good movies and bad movies. And why you have to watch a lot to know the difference.
7. The Beatles and why they're the greatest band in the world.
6. The joys of making people laugh -- they forget everything else that's unimportant.
5. Instant noodles rule.
4. Lines like, "Thank you, I'll be here all week." and "I think I've wandered into the department of Too Much Information."
3. Some Chinese values, without all the stodginess, superstitions, and drama.
2. The joys of breaking into spontaneous dance and random singing.
1. Learn the best qualities out of everyone you meet, and make them your own.