Monday, July 17, 2006

Lately, my wife and I have had some issues with Parenting, namely having to deal with two toddlers whom I think are much much smarter than us. They just don't know it and I fear that if they ever realized it, my wife and I will be doomed.

Wow, that last sentence is just full of grammar problems.

Anyway, Zoe has been going around lately, occasionally spouting, "Dammnit. Fuck." in her cute little cherubic, squeaky innocent voice - if Angels swore - it'd sound a lot like that. My wife claims she says it quite a bit, and I've only heard it once. It's one of those, "Did she... Did it sound like... Nahh...." things. We've decided that it's my wife's fault, mainly because I haven't been around that much to swear around my kids. But who knows. I do my fair share.

Yesterday, though, I was at the top of my parenting game. I had a relatively bummer day at work, so I decided that when I went home, I was going to just make it as stress free as possible, so I decided to watch some TV with the kids (we try to limit the TV to morning and nights, to just a couple hours. I tend to cave more.), namely a documentary about comic book heroes. Anyway, it's slugging along, and I doze off with Alex on my lap. I woke up a bit later, and my chest is soaked with the little boy's sweat, who has fallen dead asleep in my arms. I thought it was a bit late to be taking a nap, so I try to wake him up, but he's out like a caffeinated Richard Simmons. I place him on the bed, and he's just limp and his head's wobbly. A little later I ever tried nuzzling his cheek, which usually sends him into fits of laughter, but he's asleep. Zoe yells at him to wake up, and he's still asleep. So I just let him sleep for a couple hours, woke up him for Kipper, and then he's back to bed again. I guess it was fine, since he was still asleep when I left the house this morning, but I wouldn't recommend letting me parent your kid. He'll just sleep all the time.

And yeah, I spent most of yesterday telling Zoe "no." Well, if she wouldn't be such a rule bender, I wouldn't be doing that. All that climbing and death-defying stuff she was born to do. So, haven't been feeling like the best parent lately, and I cannot express how glad I am that children have a pretty short term memory, a very unconditional love (at least for the next few years), and a great sense of humor. I could use those traits in my personality right now.

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