I'm stressing out over my resume because there's a job that I'm lusting for, a video editor position for a TV station in Seattle. I'm not quite sure exactly why I am doing so, mostly because I'm completely delusional that I'm going to qualify for a job like this. This is mostly because it is a local TV station, and I will put good money down that there are more experienced, more qualified people out there that can fill this position and do it well. But I guess trying won't kill me. I hate updating my resume though, all the dates always fall out of my head.

Sorry I haven't been updating in a while - I've been trying to handle a crisis of what I should do with my career. I would like to publicly acknowledge my wife for being so patient with me, being how I've been such a pain these past few days, just bogging her down with my thoughts on how I don't think I'm any good at anything. Despite her saying that I'm a good dad and husband, I've been obsessing with my career path, telling her that I need to do something that's a little more rewarding for my soul, as well as bringing more money into the house. It's not so much a male ego thing, it's just that we're trying very hard to make ends meet, and it sucks royally. I mean, we shouldn't have to skim out on groceries because we just paid a few bills. Every Friday we breath a sigh of relief because we got paid, and a few hours later, we've started the cycle of panic again because we just bought groceries and there's nothing left in the checking account.

This is how I'm feeling - I want a new job. The current job isn't hard, especially for what it pays. The boss leaves me alone, I work alone, and it's really not hard at all. Benefits are okay, hours are great. But at the end of the day, I haven't changed anyone's life. Not that anything I wanna do and get paid for will do that, but in its own minute way, I feel as though it would. Even if I produced a reality show that was truly horrible, I would at least have something to prove for it. I need to leave behind a legacy of work that people can scruntinize in the future, man. This everyday work stuff is too much for me.

So, I was looking through my old accomplishments while building my resume, in order to gather dates and remind myself what I've done before and have forgotten since, and it's amazing how much of it I have missing. The newspaper articles that I wrote all through college and high school are probably stashed somewhere in my garage, but I can't find it. The stuff I did find though, which includes old scripts and old ticket stubs and articles about my movies, brought back a lot of memories. I miss having that cramped into my brain. All that preparation and shooting and editing, just having it all come together is such a great feeling.

Sigh. I'll have to get the resume sent out Monday or else it'll never get done.