Saturday, May 21, 2005

The Long Hard Week...

... is finally over. Seems like any other week at the beginning, but after a near over withdrawl of our checking account and the subsequent failed attempt to save it, it just got progressively more stressful as the week continued. It all worked out in the end like it always does, but everyone's just frazzled by one thing or another. I think the only person relatively untouched by this week had to be Zoe, who seems to have her own agenda of growling deeply at random things, like the freezer aisle at the supermarket.

So this week I've spend way less time thinking about my Super Lottery Ticket Movie Feature Idea, and thinking about career choices. I liked the idea of videography, and still do from time to time, but I really hate the business aspect of it. Running it, chasing after sales leads, and worrying about getting enough jobs... that stuff just worries me to no end. Not like a movie. It's a different, and more difficult sort of worry, but it's just a feeling of accomplishment when you see it together for the first time. But I have been thinking about picking up the camera again, putting this 2 grand piece of technological wet dream to work.

The other thing we've been preoccupied about is still sorta under wraps, it's a tougher decision to make because of so many people who are going to be affected. More on that later if it ever evolves.

Anyway, Alex is having a tough week this week, so much so that he's picked up the bad habit of slamming his head into things to get attention. It's tragicomical because he'd whine and whine, then either walk up to a wall or lay on the floor, and with swift precision, bang his head on the surface, and then cry. I'm not saying it doesn't look like it doesn't hurt, but just the dubious motive behind it are so silly, that you just have to ignore it so he doesn't think that hurting himself would get him the attention. I don't know why it seems this way, but it always seems like your kid is doing the worse thing than other people's kids. I know Alex is a good boy, but sometimes the things he pulls just makes me worry about the kind of trouble he'd get into later.

Today my step-grandkids were around, and my wife was doing the Ring Around the Rosie thing, and it was fun to watch Alex, Joseph, and Jane just have a ball going round in circles, and then falling down at the end of the song. You see some of their personalities emerge, as Jane tries to fall on her grandmother, Joseph attempt to join in the fun, and Alex is always pulling away to fall on his own terms. In a lot of ways, that's something that I would do. I'd always pretend to do my own thing because it was easier than trying to fit in, socialize, and fit myself in the social situation. So Alex would fall apart from the group, and then get back in. Jane and Alex also danced a little, and it was cute despite the odd implications of dancing with your Uncle.

I was also a little surprised at how comfortable Jane and Joseph are around me. Jane jumps into my lap and cuddles with me, and Joseph has no qualms doing the same. Of course, Alex does this too, only if he's tired or upset. When he's happy, he usually could give a flipall about cuddling. Zoe's very much the same, not wanting to cuddle unless she needs it. I suppose it's because we're there for them, so they don't show that affection because we're always present. Who knows.

I worry a lot about what my kids learn from me. I worry about what they inherit from my genes. Does anti-social behavior carry through DNA? Neuroticism? Hmm, I'd better go cheer up before bedtime.

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