You know how your fingers turn a bright spot of orange when you're munching on Cheetos? Not the imitation kind that leaves an orange dusting, but the actual brand of Cheetos? You eat a few (hundred) and afterward, your finger looks like Garfield was just sitting on it. (Sorry, that's just wrong.) Somehow the cheesiness of the confectionery had mixed in with your drooling excess and grafted itself on your finger. You wash it off, but the dye is so powerful that for the rest of the day, you're caught orange-fingered.

Well, I've been eating the Flaming Hot Cheetos, which is like a bastard marriage (oxymoron?) between either American and Mexican/Asian Cuisine. You got the cheese part, and you got spicy madness of some Paprika welding fool who got promoted for coming up with this idea. Now I don't actually know if anyone buys this except non-Cauasian folks, but I've been enjoying them. So much so that a minute ago, I got tired of groping the bottom of the bag for them and just went to the bathroom, poured the remainder out into my hand (but over the sink) and shoved the rest of it in my pie hole.

Interesting postscript, when you're washing your hands after eating the spicy suckers, it looks disturbing. Bright red liquid swirl about your sink, and sometimes it looks kinda coagulated blood. So there you have it. I hope you pick up a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos and hope you're not reading this while eating your lunch.