This is a mental conversation between me and a spider the other day, when he was crawling around on the inside of my windshield while I was driving.

ME: Ahhhhh!
SPIDER: I gotta find a good place to be right above him.
ME: Where are you going?
SPIDER: I'm going inside your ear so I can lay eggs and my little hatchlings can eat their way out of your head.
ME: I thought you were a boy spider.
SPIDER: Oh yeah. I'll just poop inside your head then.
ME: Fair enough.
SPIDER: Watch the road, bub.
ME: But you're scary. I can't stop looking at you.
SPIDER: You'll have plenty of time to look at me when I'm inside your head.
ME: I know... (Turns on air conditioning.)
SPIDER: Holy Crap! I'm freezing! I'm going to go inside the cracks of your car.
ME: HAHAHAHA... Wait. He's still in the car.
SPIDER: I'll get you next time, Poopy Head!

Thank you very much. I'll be here all week.