Saturday, March 18, 2006

Anatomy of an Attempted Murder - Gangland Duck Edition

The Scene - A photo perfect day, with the sun out and a nice cool ambience.  Ducks are being fed by a perfectly great looking family, with a handsome, geeky photographer taking random photos of his kids, and his assorted body parts.

The Crime - The photographer notices something amiss.  Three ducks are grouped together, quacking sinisterly at the water.  They move together in a choreographed pack, as if they were contained in their motions.  The photographer looks harder.  He sees something in the water, something moving.

It's another duck.  

As the duck below struggles to get his ducky head above water, the aggressive attacker, henceforth referred to Evil Duck, is persistent in his actions.  He positions his entire body on top of the other duck, keeping the victim, henceforth referred to as Duck Soup, submerged.  Evil Duck has a hold of Duck Soup's neck, holding it far under the water, depriving Duck Soup of precious oxygen.  Duck Soup manages to get a couple gulps of air once in a while, but Evil Duck is fatter, stronger, and has more hate in his evil little duck heart.  

"You're an example," Evil Duck quacks to Duck Soup.

"So the other Ducks know that that's what happens when mother****ers don't pay up."

"Bbbuulrbbb!  I'll have it in a week!  I swear!" gasps Duck Soup.

The other ducks cackle with delight.  They love it when they squeal.   They get some pathetic and whiny.

The photographer and his wife realize their moral duty and break up the fact with random arm-waving and spurts of "Wah!" and "Burgh!".  It's awkward, but it worked.  The three ducks break up their formation, and Duck Soup flies for his wet life.

"Next time, Duck!" Evil Duck yelled, shaking his clenched wing.  "Your ass is mine!"

Duck Soup looks back at the Beautiful Family and winks a thank you.  His gratitude will be everlasting.

Oh, Naive Diego!
I believe you & your wife broke up something other than a murder plot...I believe what you rescued "duck soup" from was MOTHERHOOD....the 3 ducks in the photo are all males...I would bet money that the one underwater has less colors and is more feminine....FYI: IT'S SPRING! Thanks for the laugh!
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