Friday, November 14, 2003

Sometimes at work, I think about my son and a smile finds it way on my face.

I think about all the influence I've had that has made me who I am. It's quite odd, really, being a lot of my role models weren't actually real people. I would say that Hong Kong Cinema and Hollywood had a lot to do with what I believe to be right and wrong, and how I should approach certain things in life.

My Mom's personality is pretty evident in me - a peacemaker, someone's with a good work ethic and could probably be a strong leader if we were more charismatic and power hungry. We're relatively easy going, and we're homebodies.

My Dad and brother, I have to admit, were not very good role models. My Dad was often absent from my life, and I don't really remember anything more than a few things about him. A few experiences that add up to a few throwaway emotions. And my brother, well, if you've read anything in the past few weeks - you will gather that he is basically the person I'm trying not to be. I suppose he's a contrast to me.

I told my wife the other day that I found it simply amazing - that looking at my son, I'm seeing his little baby that is part me, and part my wife. He is someone who will look up to me, and love me unconditionally (at least for the first 18 years) no matter what. I am the second most important thing in his life (I'm happy with that title - my wife is deservedly the most important thing in his life hands down.) and he's pretty darn important to me too. Just thinking about him makes me wanna go into his room and plant one on his cute little cheeks!

Tonight he was smiling at my wife a lot when she was talking to him. And he was talking to me while I chattered on and on about nothing to him. That was a lot of fun.

Sorry about the absence. I hate to be the kind of blogger that drops off the face of the earth for extended periods of time while people log on to see old posts...

Well, the busy week is coming to a close, thankfully, and the mom visit was fairly successful, really. My brother took my mom up and there was little weirdness from the last visit, which is good. We had dinner and all that, and my mom really enjoyed seeing the little guy.

The next day at the doctor's was a bit interesting. The doctor came in and the first thing she said was, "So, it says on the chart that he wants to be called Alex. Hi Alex!"

And my testicles rolled out of my pant legs.

My Mom didn't really say too much about that, just kinda let it slide. The doctor asked her if she was really proud and she was - I was glad that wasn't really too much of an issue. I think in the end, as long as his official first name was Andrew, it didn't matter much to her otherwise. I could be wrong.

So, my mom spent a lot of money on us on this trip, buying diapers and baby food, groceries for us and even springing for the title change for my car, which was 23 bucks. Imagine, 23 bucks to drop her name off a title, and nothing else. State of Washington 1, Driver 0. So I felt a bit guilty about that, but she reassured me that it was fine, because it was something that we needed.

In the end, all and all, in conclusion, and overall - the thing that I remember the most about her visit is actually when we had just gotten Chinese food (Chow Mein, actually) and was heading back to her place in Redmond. She said that she really wasn't trying to not enjoy life, complaining about work and always talking about dying and nobody caring about her. She just felt really hopeless about her existence and derived little joy in life. But she said that seeing Alex really opened up her heart - she feels happiness when she sees her grandson. And I told her that I wanted her to feel welcome in my home, and that when she does live with us, she doesn't have to work full time just to pay the mortage on the house, and she can go back to just living life, and enjoy being a grandmother. She can leave that negative environment at work and just putz around a job or try to get something in social work.

In the end, it just goes back to being Chinese for me. Taking care of my mother in her elder years is the very bare amount of gratitude that I can show her for bringing me up and making me who I am. It's beyond a son's call of duty or responsibility, it's just a matter of showing my love to her in a tangible way.

Monday, November 10, 2003

It's nice to actually have news about the baby, and not the silly little rants of his father.

Today was the dreaded day of shots, a day that my wife has not been looking forward to. I've been okay about it, pretty much, and after today, will probably still not think of it as a day unlike any other. But the little guy went in today with us and my mom, who was visiting for two days, and we found out his new weight!

He's now weighing in at 13 pounds, 10 ounces, and is now 24 inches long! I guess the doctor said that he was in the top percentile of his growth rate, which means that he's quite a big boy, though not big like it was bad or anything. So, all the regular stuff got checked out, and then he got four different shots in his thighs. Vaccinations for all these different things that I didn't have when I was a baby. He cried quite the sad painful cry, and my wife started crying for him too. It was a little cringe-inducing watching the nurse Aaron just plunge the needle in with such impunity, but he was quite easily comforted. After that, we went around town and my mom was really nice to spend quite a bit of money on us, helping us with baby food, diapers, and groceries. She knew we were broke and wanted to help out a bit. For the most part, he slept after the doctor's visit - I guess we were relatively lucky because sometimes the babies are so sore from the shots they just cry their heads off. But our little guy just slept a lot, and then in the evening, he seemed good as new. Setting him down in the crib to change him, I got the biggest smile that really made my week. Of course, he was really smiling at the mobile, but that smile will always win my heart.

Feeling a bit bad for my mom though, I haven't been talking that much to her probably because my brain's just stopped working. I'm no longer witty, and I've lost some of my sharpness. I would say I'm pretty much like mild cheddar now. Used to think I was more in the line of Havarti or Pepper Jack, but I'm feeling like Mild Cheddar. Oh well, guess it's not all that bad. I got a little cheeseball to make me happy anyhow.

Back to work tomorrow. Have to work and then drive my mom back home, and then work on Friday. Hmm.