Just in case you missed the link buried in the previous post...

CRAZY BOY!

The Ever Pending Paternity Leave is Ending.

Technically, it ends today but since I don't work on weekends and my family's coming up on Monday to celebrate his very first birthday, I won't be back at work till Tuesday - but it's still a little sad to be going back to work. I do enjoy seeing my wife a lot, and having her sexy bum so accessible for me to pat everyday; and having so much time to see Alex just be an absolute clown. He's really a lot of fun to watch sometimes, and you can see here. And of course, Zoe. Tough to leave a little baby girl at home, especially when she's crying and is completely inconsolable. Yeah, it's really tough.

But seriously, I feel like I haven't been taking enough pictures and videos of her, for the plain and simple reason being that I actually haven't had the time. But I'll just have to make it an effort, I do.

Going back to work will be interesting after three weeks of self-induced atrophy. I've been busy, but I haven't been very fit. Eating badly, skimming on sleep, and spending the rest of the time shoving my face with Nutella, which is God's greatest gift to mankind. My wife, the Chocolate Fiend, ironically hates it, even when I shove a spoonful of Choco Goodness in her face. I wonder why. But we've changed our lifestyles already with the arrival of Zoe. Instead of working five days a week for the money, I'm back to four days a week, with an off day in the middle of my four day week. Main reason? So that my wife doesn't lose it. Her words, her request. Also, I'll be going to work earlier, so that I could come home earlier to tend to the little ones. About two hours earlier, which is still 3 hours too early for me to wake up. 7am is when graveyard shift gets off, not when people go to work. It's inhumane.

My family is planning a big to-do for Alex's first birthday this Tuesday, except they're ceremoniously celebrating it on a Monday. We've got the SpongeBob cake, the Spongebob napkins, party hats, cups, and streamers. We've got pizza and balloons planned, and a 45 dollar chocolate cheesecake. My mom's financing this shindig, because if we did, it'll be a cupcake for Alex and a rubber balloon with Daddy's spit in it. Yeah, we're that poor. Damn baby expenses. I personally would not spend that much for a cheesecake, but my mom insisted, so there you go. I was telling my wife that the cheesecake better have some kind of euphoric effect or something, or at least contain some kind of stimulant to make me forget that it's a 45 freakin' dollar cheesecake. Holy Cow.

So that's all. I'm a little tired because my wife had a screaming baby last night and this morning, so my sleep was interrupted by a little girl who had better plans for me. Well, at least I get to hold her up and pretend she's a little Buddha. That always helps.

Relearning to Chill

When I was in community college, we watched a film by Akira Kurosawa called, "Dreams." In it features a segment whereby a character runs into Vincent Van Gogh, played by Martin Scorsese in this kind of jittery, hasty and uptight mannerism. Vincent was painting quickly and moving so fast because he feels as if he's going to die anytime soon, and that he has to get as much work done as possible before his life expires.

Well, that's kinda been like my thing lately. I set a lot of imaginary milestones for myself to get motivated, and I find it very hard to relax and not be productive. Recently, photography has given me an outlet to be creative with limited time constraints, and that's fun when I do manage to leave the stroller long enough to snap a few photos.

Tonight, and I'm not terribly proud of it even though no harm's really done, I got a little irritated at Zoe, because she was changed and fed, and she was just fussing up a storm with no end in sight. I got frustrated and felt completely helpless because I can't communicate with this tiny little infant. She's got her face scrunched up and her face seemingly in some kind of discomfort, and despite all the position changes and moving around, she's still fussing, bordering on bawling. I finally went downstairs to give her more formula, and she eventually fell asleep.

I know a lot of it is me. That I lack the compassionate that my wife possesses, and the patience. I want to fix things as fast as I can, and move on to the next thing. I know Alex was probably this tough when he was an infant, but since it was so long ago, I've forgotten how he was at all. If he cried as much, or if he fussed as much.

I've been a little antisocial these past few weeks. My road side manner has gone down the drain - any one who drives badly or cuts me off, I'm usually throwing insults at them in my car, while my wife has to suffer through this abuse, which she hears and the offending driver doesn't. I've also grown grouchy and cranky - which is a side of me that I don't really care for.

So, I'll have to try to relearn how to chill. I got out my headphones just about an hour ago and played a few new songs on my computer, and chilled out quite a bit. I forgot how music can completely put you in a different mindset and put you back into perspective. Doesn't really even matter what songs they are, they just reset your moods, and take you somewhere else for a few minutes. God, I miss that. I used to sit around on my computer in my room and play sounds in the middle of the afternoon, just chilling and surfing the internet. Can't really do that now anymore because of the babies (computer's in my room. Babies are often not.), and only a short time in the car.

You know, just to let the song blast through your stereo and cutting out every other peep in the room.

Here's my playlist - Ch-Check it Out - Beastie Boys, Testing 1,2,3 - Barenaked Ladies, Get Down Tonight - KC and the Sunshine Band, Let's Get It Started - Black Eyed Peas, Are you Gonna Be My Girl - Jet, Boogie Nights - earth wind and fire, Boogie Shoes - KC and the Sunshine Band.

I know, it's a strange playlist, but by the end of that set, I was in the mood for more music, and started mellowing out some more. Which might explain what my blog entry might seem a little scattered.

I just about had a heart attack when I saw this.

Can't get it, but lusting's not illegal...

I have a non-baby induced headache. Thanks, Wife.

Actually, this pain is a little nostalgic for me for all the beatings she used to give me. See, one of my sadistic activities with my wife is to tickle her silly. And not the extended index finger to her tummy kind of tickling, but more of the nuzzling, nibbling and biting variety. So anyway, I like to conquer her ticklish spots by doing that, but as a result, her impulses usually trigger her to smack me hard, usually in the head or face. Not hatefully, but "more as a reflex." I did tell her that if Alex did that to her, she'd probably not whack him upside the head like she does me, but I don't expect Alex to tickle her in the same places I do. So now after a few whacks in the head, I'm a little dizzy and disoriented, but very happy because I've really missed doing it. Her pregnancies have prevented us from a lot of things, because if I had done this last month, it would take a few seconds before her back pain kicked in, or one of her nerves to tense up and cause her immense pain. So now, I can cause further brain-damage to myself by tickling her as much as I like.

The babies are doing fairly well - Zoe is actually much fussier in the day and sleepier at night, which is really a good thing for everyone. But during the day, after you've fed and changed her, and you've got her in your arms and she's still crying - there is no describing that sense of hopelessness and frustration. It's not a negative feeling, just a feeling like you'd like to do whatever needed to be done to make the baby feel more comfortable and better.

Alex is also doing well - his temper tantrums are beginning to surface when you take things away from him, or interrupt his reign of terror. Of example, he loves to get into the entertainment center, which house electronics of different sorts. We used to block it off like a fort, but now we've found that he gets in there anyway, and has hurt his fingers numerous times because of the glass doors. So now whenever he gets in there, we block it off and take him away, and he bawls. The other thing, which I think is a little on the annoying side, is that he cries when he sees us block off the living room. It's almost like "preventative crying", because what we do doesn't have any effect on him at that time, but maybe later. Like he could be at the other side of the room, and when we secure the baby gate, he'd cry. I guess he likes his options open.

Life with two babies is okay with two parents, but we haven't really tried life with two babies and one parent. On occasion, we get a glimpse of that when one of us takes a nap, or runs to the store, and it is hell. And now that I have only a week left before I have to go to work, my wife is dreading it even more. I'm sure we'll pull through this - we'll just have to remember to set aside some money every week for the many years of therapy that we'll need.

On the grosser side of babies, I had to witness a real-time pooping last night. I was changing Zoe when I realize that she might not have finished her thought, so I held her legs up in the air with her diaper still below her and waited. And then she went. And went. And went. And I kept moving the diaper higher, and higher, so she wouldn't be sitting in her own goodness. I didn't want to put the existing diaper back on her because it had stuff on it, but I didn't want to put a new one on her either because I'd have to change it almost immediately. So it was just me, holding her legs up, watching her pause and take a breath, do a little squeal, and watch her doodie. I've seen too many people doodie in front of me lately, so I hope this is one of the last times, at least for a while.

One indicator that I've become a dad: I was talking on the phone with my Mom, and I was looking at the leaves on the tree outside. I unthoughtfully plucked a big leaf off with a unique shape, and then thought, "Hey, Alex would like this." And I went into the house and let him play with it.

Yeah, never did that for anyone before.