Saturday, August 02, 2003

Envisioned myself giving Alex a bath, and he's splashing happily in the bathtub, laughing and having a ball. Imagining a lot of floating toys, and enjoying the fact that he thinks it's funny that he splashes down and I have an adverse effect from the water. I smile at him and then suddenly I got all worried about what I'm going to refer to his penis as. When I tell him to wash it and so forth.

That's me for you.

The idea of me quitting the business of videography has been floating around for a while now, and it actually started out strong, being the career route that I was going to take when I left Voicestream. Even while I was at Freddy's, I was certain that I was slowly working my way into videography. But doing my job at Freddys and then coming home and editing has taken its toll. I can't see my friends, I feel guilty while taking time off, and people just don't appreciate my work on a personal basis. It's just a service now, and in my view, not a very good one.

My wife and I had the conversation about this, how I don't think any of the stuff I've been doing is any good, while she insists that it is good, and that I'm too critical of myself. To an extent, I know that to be true, but I also think I'm a lousy videographer because I'm constantly obsessed with making it look like a movie.

I don't know, I've done a lot of weddings so far, and now I have an anniversary, and two weddings to edit. I got one to shoot next week, so that'll be three more weddings to edit. After that I think I'll just hang it up and stop doing it. It's not good for me anymore, and the money's not great.

My son's about to be born in a few weeks now and whenever somebody asks me how I'm feeling, all I can ever manage to say is, "Stressed. I got weddings to finish." Now, this is a reality that will be around for the next few months, but it's something I just have to wrap up and throw in the towel. It's taking too much from me and it's disruptive to married life, not even counting Fatherhood.

Sorry, but I just have to vent. It's just stressing me out.

Well, back to editing.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

This is a great story, especially if you're familiar with my wife. She doesn't really swear that much, and when she does, it used to be, "Oh my goodness." or something corny to that effect.

The other factor is that she has problems remembering names of movies and music, and the like. She calls "The Sixth Sense" - "I See Dead People" and just generally has a hard time with it.

So we were watching Trigger Happy on Comedy Central, and my wife looked over to me, and said, "Hey, it's like that TV show - Asshole."

"What?" I said.

"It's like that TV Show. Asshole."

"You mean, "Jackass?"

That is followed by about 5 minutes of hysteria on my part, just killing myself with the incident looping continuously in my mind. The funny part of all this is that JL, our 14 year old, was sitting right between us. She doesn't swear herself, and she doesn't really see us swear quite that much.

So, that is going to last me like a week, until my adorable wife does something funny again. I think she's the coolest.

It's a matter or mere weeks before the baby makes his grand appearance, and I have to say, honestly, that I'm really too overwhelmed to feel anything. All I can think about is all the work that I have to finish before the baby comes.

But then again, it's not entirely true. I'm really looking forward to his arrival, really looking forward to holding him and feeding him and even changing his diapers. I think the whole family is really looking forward to meeting this little guy, and I'm pretty sure he's going to be the focus of the family for quite a while.

Today is my wife's birthday, took a half day off to spend some time with her. Went to Larrabee, and I decided that we have some of the dumbest beaches in the world. There are way too many rocks and rotting seaweed to make it anywhere close to a pleasant experience. The parks are great, but I don't think the beaches are really all that exciting. I'm so used to the sandy paradises of white sand that I see on TV, that when I step onto a Washington beach and I just think, "Oh." We did manage to make her cry today, when we came in with flowers and balloons, she just lost it. We also got her some bird feeders so that we don't have to go out looking for them - they can just come to our backyard.

Later we'll be going off to Boulevard to catch the sunset, and I'll try my hardest not to think about editing.

Sunday, July 27, 2003

My wife's cramping has gotten so severe that she had to return from work early today, and later we went to the childbirth center to get it checked out. Well, I didn't mind that at all, except the stupid staff managed to forget that we were there waiting for the results to be processed, so three and a half hours later we finally found out that it was a bladder infection. I got cranky because we were waiting so long, and that I'm really behind on editing, but she got some prescription and hopefully, perhaps the cramping should subside.

A lot of worries financially about hospital bills, and not working for 2 months. All that and the weddings. Can't believe how much I've grown to despise editing weddings. I'm really good at it, but I wish I had the time to do it.

Whine whine whine.