Confessions of a Pregnant Wife

My wife confessed this to me this morning.

The other day at Blockbuster video, she was returning from the bathroom, and she spotted a really cute guy and proceeded to check him out. She was doing so for about a minute before she realized it was me.

She didn't want to tell me because she didn't want me to be upset, but I'm not - I've done likewise. I think we both know the difference between looking and wanting, but I'm having a good laugh about it.

When she was in the kitchen this morning, I groped her ass, and said, "Oh hi, wife."

This is going to be fun!

I've snapped!

Lately I've been immersed into the world of photography, brought on by the coolness of my new camera. I found some cool photoblogs and in turn, discovered a really neat site called DPChallenge, which pits photographers all over the web to take a photo according to their rules, their deadline, and an assigned theme. I got obsessed with their "Vanishing Point" theme, and spent the last two nights trying to get that perfect shot. It ain't bad, but I'm already thinking of ways to redo it, maybe make the photo cleaner. I probably won't reveal the photo until the contest is over, but check out the site. It's good eatin'!

I have an idea for my next photo, which was inspired by a tutorial by another photographer on the site. Basically, I'm going to try my hand at high speed photography, since my camera can go up to 1/1000 of a second. But it would have to be pretty set up, and require tons of lighting. I'll try it out tomorrow!

I'm also trying to make it a point to take more pictures of Alex, because it is very true that as babies grow older, you take less pictures. I'm glad that I was so much of a shutterbug when Alex was born, because he's changed so much - he looks almost like a different kid altogether! Maybe tomorrow I'll post some kind of progression since birth. One thing's for sure, I'm cringing at the photo quality of my previous photos. 3.2 megapixels is such a great improvement from 1.3 megapixels. And the color is so much better.

Okay, I'm done geeking out.

Hurry up, parents of mine!

I'm shopping!

17 more days to the due date!

I feel a little ashamed that Zoe's due to make her debut in 17 days and I'm not packed yet. I mean, there's not a lot we need to pack, we only live like 8 minutes from the hospital, but I don't have extra clothes, the camera's not packed, the tripod's not packed, the video camera's not packed (though there is a fresh tape in there, give me that...) It's like we're banking on her coming right on time or something. Since my wifes' labors have been getting shorter and shorter, one would assume that we'd be a little more cautious.

I am slowly but reluctantly coming to terms that I am not of a manly persuasion. I mean that in a sense that I'm starting to realize that I'm not really macho, and perhaps may even qualify for the title, "Delicate Boy." I'm berating myself because tonight, while attempting to take several photos for a photo contest, we had to be on an overhead bridge on top of a busy road. Since it's on a hill, the road stretches far ahead downhill, and all the while I was taking the picture, I had these fears:

My camera was going to fall over the bridge and break;
I was going to fall over the bridge and freakin' die,
The bridge was going to collapse, and my camera would break, and I would die as well for good measure.

Did I worry about my wife? No. Not because I didn't love her, because I do with all my heart, but she didn't have this stupid fear of heights. I'm also petrified of paintball, mostly because I guess my head resembles some kind of target for people. I never get shot in the arm or leg, no. It's my head. Find the most unprotected area of my noggin and take a shot at it, please.

So anyway, the picture turned out okay, but I might go back out tomorrow night to attempt another go at it. There are other manly things that I'm not capable of doing, but I kinda forgot them in the middle of writing about the bridge incident. Oh well.

Let it be known too, that I can sing in a higher pitch than my wife.

Not much is going on, really. Most noted is the absence of everyone else and their blogs. People are just busy I suppose, but Dansen's blog isn't even there. I suppose it got taken down for censorship or something. Goes to show that not everyone appreciates pictures of Dansen with farm animals.

Anyway, the past few days have been a little bummy. There was a misunderstanding with me and the wife, then there was some pain in her back associated with the pregnancy, and now we're facing financial woes. My wife's been out of work for a couple weeks now, and her disability pay is supposed to substitute for her normal pay, that is, if she works at a McDonalds as a janitorial temp staff. It's crap. I didn't have enough foresight to put aside money, what with all that loot from my eBay selling and the crack cocaine that I deal to elementary school kids who don't know the difference between the real deal and powdered sugar.

Well, at any rate, we'll be coming up really short on rent, and since my wife doesn't really want me to sell myself on the streets, being how the only people who would want to pay for me would be 300 pound men or people with exotic pets who have sexual needs. So we might be overdrafting the bank account or doing something rash, like robbing old ladies or trimming someone's hedges. Or something.

Kinda on an irrelevant bend because I'm so freakin' bored. Yesterday I took about 100 photos of ducks, and most of them were absolute crap because the it was approaching dusk - and the ducks were kinda on the dark side, so they either turned up blurry, or just surprised. I took a few photos of the clouds today, which I actually miss in the midst of all this summery clear blue skies. Clouds possess personality, clear skies can be a little too predictable. I also took a few of Alex pushing a shopping cart about, which is actually quite cute. He looks pretty serious doing it.

My wife is in complete pain constantly, from her thing being separated from the other thing. I would specify what the problem was, but being the guy husband that I am, I kinda forgot. But basically her back is messed up because she didn't get time to heal after Alex's birth, so it's kinda messed up now. They're talking about a year of physical therapy even. Hopefully, once she's done with the pregnancy, they can administer her more powerful drugs to deal with the pain. She's feeling lonely in her pain because nobody seems to grasp how much pain she's really in, even me. I do care a lot about her though, and I probably should be more compassionate when she's telling me about the pain.

Zoe is 20 days away, and I think my mind's still not really realizing that. Part of me is really excited to meet her, a sweet little pea named Zoe, and part of me is still thinking that I would just scream and exclaim, "Ahhh! Where's his penis?" Having a girl is still somehow foreign to me. It's so ingrained in me that all things girly is odd, and alien. Like my wife. She's alien to me sometimes. But I love her a lot and she can probe me anytime.

But seriously, Zoe's coming soon!

This is what happens when you put a baby in a toilet, flush it, and then attempt to feed him.