Was fantasizing about taking care of the baby today, but I guess I mean taking care of it as a toddler. Like I would let the toddler watch old movies before they got violent and vulgar, and letting the the toddler listen to the Beatles. But then I was thinking, what if the toddler asks, "Can we go watch the Beatles?" and I had to say, "well, John and George aren't around anymore."

"Why?" the toddler would ask.

Then I would have to discuss Death, which I don't really know how to approach. "Well, they go to sleep and forget to wake up."

That's just a little disconcerting. And I'm sure that toddlers don't really wanna know that everyone dies, it's hard for them to grasp that.

I think I'm worrying myself... to death. I'm sure it'll sort itself out. I'll just tell my kid that John and George went to India for enlightment.

Oh, and we got our wedding bands today, that was cool. They were having a sale on them, and we actually used some of FC's income tax money to buy it. I'll have to buy it back from her because I don't think I could be known as the guy who did not buy his wife's wedding rings. That would be irresponsible of me.

At any rate, FC and I are actually itching to wear them. It's like a cool accessory for the both of us. I have a feeling that once I put mine on, the fit is so tight that I would never be able to take it off in the future.

Which is probably what my FC would prefer. :)

My aunt wrote back and gave me her support. I'm a good campaigner.

FC has been getting increasingly tired, and she almost left before I went to work today. She was asleep when I got home, and I just have to give her a few kisses to let her know that I'm thinking of her.

I was sorta looking at baby clothes today, but discouraged myself mainly because I don't know what the gender of the baby is. Been looking at other people's babies and thinking weird thoughts, like how proud I would be of our baby when we have it. It's strange if you think about it, that I'm just naturally proud of our baby because he/she will be cute, and just... baby-like. I guess I could be proud that it made a fantastic genetic voyage and grew at an immense rate inside another human being, to emerge infant-victorious into the world, but I don't think of it that way because I'm not a freak. I just think it's cool.

I also think it's cool that babies will fall over because their heads are too big for their bodies.

So... my aunt emails me and gives me, basically, a hard time about the intend to marry, so I had to write a long reply professing my love to my FC. How odd is that.

FC has been eating rather strangely, by that I don't mean that she hasn't been able to stomach chicken or beef, but she has a new way of eating Macaroon cookies. She bought a container of it, and they're these odd coconut cookies with chocolate frosting, the kind of cookies that, well, maybe pregnant people like, but she can't stand the chocolate. She peels off the chocolate bit and basically has a coconut cookie. She leaves this pile of chocolate flakes on the plate, which I don't eat because it's tainted with coconuts. Now this is amusing due to the fact that my FC is the kind of cutie that eats chocolate fudge ice cream with chocolate fudge on top of it. She's a choco monster.

My FC just asked me if I had any Playboys.

She's a porn monster.

FC is feeling pretty emotional lately, and I think that because I've been informed that this is part of the pregnancy, I've been more understanding about it. Not taking it personally, not being defensive about anything. She's been requesting more of my attention, and I try to give it as much as I can. Even if it were a little dance for my sweetie.

I've also taken to saying hello to her tummy.

"Hellooooo baby. What'cha doing?"

Well, I told my mother yesterday over the phone, and it didn't really go over well. She has not even intially accepted my relationship with my FC, always maintaining that she doesn't want to acknowledge it at all. She tells me that she doesn't make a fuss about it when I visit her because she doesn't want to drive me further away, and now that I'm telling her that I'm getting married to her, I'm not giving her much choice in the matter. I had to go on and tell her that I wanted to include her into our lives, and that I didn't want our child to grow up not seeing or knowing her grandmother.

How is it that sometimes two people are fortunate enough to find each other, but they still have to prove their love to those around them? Outer appearances aside, if anyone really took the time to get to know us, they'd know us to be pretty close to each other.

I kinda know where my mother is coming from, and I know she's dreading telling family back home, traditional Chinese feelings towards relationships and lifestyles outside their norms. So she does have some issues with family back in Singapore. The other thing is that she's afraid of me getting hurt, which I told her - any relationship is bound to have its moments whereby somebody gets hurt, but that doesn't just stop you from seeking them.

Sigh. It's ironic that everyone's been so accepting of our relationship except my mother and my brother, who are my only family in the States. You'd think I just told them I was in love with a cross-dressing giraffee with a cocaine addiction.

Oh, FC was relaying a story to me the other day about how she's beginning to talk to the baby, so that the baby will recognize her voice, and she was telling me when she got off work, she told the baby, "Ok, baby. Time to go home now and pick up your sister and see your Dad." It took me a minute before it hit me that she was referring to me as "Dad," and it was the strangest feeling in the world. Dads are supposed to be other men, not me! It wasn't a negative response, really, just an anvil of realization that fell swiftly.

Fantasizing about what our baby will look like. Also fantasizing about the joy and happiness that I'll feel when I make the baby laugh at me.

I think it'll be a wonderful feeling.

The comments may be acting up, so we'll see if they need replacing.

Well, yesterday's emmio was not to be -- there wasn't one to take place. Darn these doctor visits. For real though, we do have the emmiocenthesis (spelling may be questionable) scheduled 3 weeks from now at St. Joe's, and then 5 weeks from now, we should know if it's a boy or a girl. Yesterday's appointment was more consultation, and we got to hear the baby's heartbeat. I have to say that we rushed a little through it, before FC and I got to really absorb the heartbeat, it was pretty much over. It had a weird sound that we weren't accustomed to hearing, so we weren't sure if that was a heartbeat or simply the growlings of an empty stomach. I'm sure Dr. Shapiro heard it right away, just not us.

At any rate, we had a lot of questions answered, like the seat belt question (she should wear one below the waistline, below the tummy) and the breastfeeding (yes, it is recommended now over formula) and Vegas (plane ok, rides and smoking to avoid.) The other semi-exciting/weird thing that we did was to feel her cervix, where the baby was. I don't know the female anatomy, so I was totally just going along with it. But through FC's tummy, you were able to feel where the baby would be. It wasn't too weird other than the fact that the doctor's other hand was somewhere else, pushing the cervix up. Somewhere else that wasn't where people usually handle, I suppose that's the way to put it. So the oddness of the sight kinda overrided the feeling of the cervix experience. Oh well, we will be able to see the baby again in 5 weeks, so we're pretty excited.

FC was upset tonight because her appettite was not very good at all, and she had found out today that she's lost a significant amount of weight since the last visit. She's concerned about proper weight gain for the baby, but the doctor didn't seem too worried about it. I feel bad about her lack of appetitte, because I'm eating pretty much normally. Being pregnant doesn't seem to be all that much fun at all. She's still easily worn out too, and it's upsetting her further because she doesn't get to stay up late to see me. I'll give her a big nice hug though, and she'll like that. She's my sweetie.